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Published November 15, 2018

Is it Thanksgiving already? Fuck. Time to get a haircut and get gussied up for the family reunion.”

(I only add amounts when it matters. Add as much spice and cheese as you like, it’s your mouth, not mine.)

4 Strips of bacon
2 Cups butternut squash, cubed
1 Tablespoon brown sugar
Smoked paprika
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Chili powder
Cayenne pepper
Salt and Pepper
Fontina cheese
Dried cranberries
Brie cheese, cut into cubes
Fresh Thyme

Every year they ask me to bring the same ole shit: JJ’s Famous Potatoes. Now, these taters are fucking epic, I make a large batch of garlic roasted mashed potatoes, Argentine style red potatoes with chimichurri, and then I’ll do a wild card… last year it was spicy sweet potatoes cooked in duck fat.

And I started to notice something! Everyone was sitting around talking shit and/or watching football just hungry as balls… smelling all the good shit in the kitchen cuz these fucks have a shit ton of side dishes but no fucking appetizers. So this year I’m gonna be like, “Fuck you I’m making nachos for the homies watching the game and talking shit.” On top of that, I’m getting these fools wasted with cranberry margaritas. Cranberries will be the binding agent between the drinks, appetizers, and the final meal.

So let’s get started, first thing: You will be constructing the nachos at the party but a lot of the prep can be done beforehand. Try to follow along…

In a cast-iron skillet, add about 4 strips of bacon. Place the skillet in a 350-degree oven for about 10-15 minutes. Not only do we want to crisp the bacon, we also want to render the fat.

After the bacon is done, place the strips on some paper towels. This will further help in the crisping process. Eat one of the bacon strips cuz fuck it, you made it and deserve a reward.

Chop the remaining bacon strips into crunchy bits.

In the bacon drenched skillet, add the squash and mix that shit around in the bacon grease. Don’t use your fingers, asshole, that shit is still hot! Place it back into the oven and cook for about 10 minutes.

After 10 minutes, carefully add the brown sugar, smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, cayenne pepper, salt, and pepper. Stir that shit real nice and pop it back into the oven until fork-tender, about 12* more minutes.

*Keep in mind these times are different for every kitchen so give me a fucking break. Just pay attention to what you’re doing!

So that’s it for the hard stuff. After the skillet cools down, don’t worry about cleaning it, we are going to start creating the nachos. Nachos are like Ogres, they have layers. If you only put the yummy shit on the top layer then the first scumbags to grab nachos are getting the goodies and you’ll be stuck with worthless bottom-chips. Also, make sure that the chips you use are nice and unbroken. And also… there’s literally a video where I make these nachos so just watch that unless you like reading recipes like a nerd. Here’s the link:

In the skillet, add a layer of chips, followed by freshly shredded fontina cheese, squash, bacon, cranberries, brie, and top them with fresh thyme leaves. The fontina will bind all the ingredients to the chips while the brie will bind the layers. Keep layering in this fashion until you fill the skillet or run out of shit to add.

Pro-tip! Make sure the top layer is the prettiest that way the homies will be like, “Damn, JJ, those nachos look good and we’re not pissed cuz you didn’t bring the fucking potatoes like we asked… I guess we’ll eat turkey with rice this year.” That’s right, you will.

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