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Published December 11, 2018

Well, it’s the third episode of Miscast Munchies and while I feel more confident with each episode, I feel I may have gone off the rails on this one.

I wanted to dedicate this recipe to my Jewish homies out there. In America, we make a big-ass deal about Christmas and I wanted to share some of the love, especially in the form of food. Though I went off on Christianity a bit, hopefully, it doesn’t come off too harshly… they do shit on Satan a lot and that’s not cool with me. That whole thing about him being ugly with horns is probably the oldest form of propaganda in history and even though we live in a world of fake news and smearing, it never occurs to these guys that they’re being duped. Anyhow, back to the matter at hand, Spicy Stir-Fried Shrimp with Cilantro and Scallions.

Ingredients:

(I don’t give a shit about amounts, you shouldn’t either, live a little, it’s okay to fuck up. You know your own mouth better than I do.)

A bunch of shrimp
Garlic powder
Red pepper flakes
Korean chili powder
Egg white
Cornstarch
Ketchup
Sriracha
Chicken broth
Red chili paste
Brown sugar
Salt
Pepper
Oil
Scallions
Cilantro

In a bowl, add the shrimp and sprinkle them with a bunch of the garlic powder, red pepper flakes, Korean chili powder, salt, and pepper. Add the egg white and about a teaspoon of cornstarch and mix that shit all together. It should look gooey and nasty like a bowl of booger covered shrimps.

In another bowl, add the ketchup, sriracha, chicken broth, chili paste, brown sugar, another teaspoon of cornstarch and mix that shit really nice.

In a skillet over medium heat, add the oil and start cooking the shrimp. Shrimps cook fucking fast so pay attention. Over-cooked shrimp have the consistency of chewy sea-cocks so this is not the time to get distracted. As soon as they start to curl up, within a minute, add the sauce you just made and toss it into the skillet with the shrimps. Cook about 2-3 more minutes. The sugar and cornstarch in the sauce will soon start to thicken and envelop the shrimp with that yummy Chinese food flavor ya’ll been craving since you first read my recipe.

Take the shrimp off the heat and sprinkle them with cilantro and scallions.

And that’s about it! Serve these shits as is, over rice, noodles, or whatever the fuck else you want.

Merry Fucking Holidays!

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